Why Not Seek Your Independence

 - submitted by Julie Bell

I grew up in a large family in Orange County California where the oranges are fresh and the sun always shines. Being the youngest daughter of six children all sharing a small townhouse created an environment of familiarity and dependency.

Rarely did I interact with people I didn’t already know. I went to school nearby and had the same friends my whole life. My extended family all lived within an hour of my parents (including grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins). I grew to become very shy outside the small circle of my existence.

Eventually those all too familiar surroundings created a feeling of being trapped. I love my family dearly but I felt like I was missing something. Like a small bird in a crowded nest, I yearned for the open sky.

So, just before my twenty-first birthday, I decided to make a big change.

There’s a song by the Dixie Chicks called Wide Open Spaces, and in the song there is a line, “She needs room to make a big mistake." That’s how I felt. Not that I wanted to make a big mistake, but I wanted the opportunity. I needed to spread my wings without the safety net of my family.

I came up with a plan to move far enough away to be able to test my wind and learn to fly. My older brother had moved to Washington D.C. so I decided to move near him to Arlington, Virginia. He was driving home for Thanksgiving, and I planned to drive back across country with him.

I knew this move would be one of the biggest challenges of my life. But my mind was made up. Once the decision was made, I had to tell my family.

I confided with my sister first. Upset, she told me, “Why do you feel the need to move across the country. That is so selfish!"

Needless to say I went home that night debating my decision. But I knew this was something I had to do for myself, not for anybody else. My sister soon apologized, saying she was honestly just jealous because she would never have the guts to do it. After I told my friends and most of my family I got a positive vibe about this decision.

The last person I needed to tell was my father, who is my hero. Nervously, I told him my plan. His reaction was very bad. It didn’t matter that my brother had already made such a move, I was his little girl. I didn't yell back, but instead I cried and told him how he was entitled to his feelings, but that my decision was already made. I went to bed very sad after that talk but when I woke up in the morning he told me how sorry he was, but that he didn't want to lose me.

That was when the move became a reality. And that reality was daunting.

As I started packing, the memories came flooding back. The little things that I thought I had forgotten now rushed back. Like when my best friend and I would stay up all night just talking about the future and how we were going to live next to each other and raise our kids together, but now that may not be true. I was sad to leave all that I had in California, but ecstatic about what the future had in store for me.

I always thought I knew what I would do with my life, but now I had no idea and that was exciting! As the time flew by and Thanksgiving came to pass and I said my good-byes. We got in the car and drove. We stopped only to sleep, or for gas. As we drove past the Virginia State line, I snapped a picture. I felt so free, free to start a whole new life with new beginnings and new stories.

The start of my life back east was not an instant dream come true, in fact I began by waitressing because it was around the holiday season and I could not find a job. I wasn’t able to go home for Christmas since I didn’t have a lot of money. Being away from my family was hard for me – I’d never spent a holiday away from them.

It was a tough time, but it was a life long experience, which would remain in me forever. During my childhood, having so many people around, I never had to rely solely on myself. Now I was learning to do so. My dad always told me “God doesn't give you anything he doesn't think you can handle."

A few months later as the struggles became easier and the money was not so tight I was able to go out and find a better job. I got a job with a small, but growing hi-tech company (which was a risk because I came from a very large company back home) in a field I knew nothing about, Operations.

I have been living in Arlington, Virginia for 6 months now and have never been happier! I was able to make friends rather quickly. People out here tell me that I am outgoing and a lot of fun to be around, something that I never thought I was.

My sisters in California admire me for what I did telling me how brave I am, but in reality I feel I had just been stuck in a body that wasn't really me, and now I am who I always wanted to be!

When I look back, I remember how I had to face my own fears and sadness to make the decision to gain my independence. But I did it!

Now I look forward to each day. I’ve learned to take risks and I’ve gained a lot of confidence in this move along with a lot of strength. I’ve learned that sometimes you must leave the nest in order to learn to fly. And it all happened because I dug down inside to find my own strength and found the courage to say, “Why Not!”

Say Why Not! and its logos are protected by copyright and trademark laws.  All rights reserved (c) 1998 - 2007

Contact us